Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize