It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
