you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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