nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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