Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
