the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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