Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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