This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Found the puke drawer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
