I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
