You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
