it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She told me I should be a condom model.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
