why didn't you poke me back
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
NoShamevember. You game?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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