I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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