Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
