I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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