Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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