there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
