If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
