Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
now i know why i became what i already was.
false alarm. still invincible.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
