Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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