We won't sleep together?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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