And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize