i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they're like a gay fantastic four
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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