he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
