did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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