dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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