You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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