I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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