do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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