My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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