i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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