she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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