Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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