Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
