i jhust puked up my retainher.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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