I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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