operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
