good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im on a boat
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