yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
