He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
