Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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