Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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