So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
