It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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