Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize