HIV tests are more positive than that guy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
40s are totally the cure
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
