Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
