Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
