i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
