He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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