dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so let's talk penis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
