we made out on top of his cat.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
