i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
