You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
