dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
