she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
