Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
