Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
