I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
