I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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