fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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