The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
