She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
