i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
