Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
