he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
