My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
