Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I did not marry a roomba.
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