Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
