So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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