how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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