If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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