I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize