So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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