i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
