I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
