you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
