Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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