Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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