Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
