Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
