Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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