My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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