Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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