yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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