Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
