I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize