I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
