Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
