dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
