Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
