at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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