You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize