The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
