I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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