You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
