Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
