You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
