On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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