My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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